I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
