There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
