i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
