Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
