So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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