my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
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