I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize