I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
