I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
