just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
