plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
i think i have two assholes
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
