MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
