So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
