Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
