theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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