Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Randomize
