I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
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