She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
