I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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