a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
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