I wish my penis had an off switch
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
