Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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