She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
