Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Randomize