hotel room ftw
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
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