When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
