Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
