Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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