I'm jealous of your bromance
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
