Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize
