woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
