He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
