She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
