who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize