oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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