so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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