is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize
