Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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