i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
