You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
And then my night got REAL pukey
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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