I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
