she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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