Me too!
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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