All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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