dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
