because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
