Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
