it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize