shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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