you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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