Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
