Your dad touched me again.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Randomize
