I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
