wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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