You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
vagina is talking i cant
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
