toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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