if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
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