I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize