:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
