My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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