Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
