I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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