I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
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