It's Friday. Sex?
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
