I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
